It is so easy to preach about positivity when things are going great in your life. It’s easy to encourage others to stay focused and positive when your life is going well. But what happens when life suddenly takes a turn on you and you find yourself back into the darkness? Well, I have just experienced that scenario. And though I wouldn’t say I am in complete darkness, I would say, I am in a room with a candle burning, like a small birthday candle.
I am an open book. I do this so that I can help others push forward and encourage others to find the greatness within. I do this because I want people to understand that I too am human just like you and I too make mistakes. As you may recall from very first post, I made a very poor decision many years back ( please read my first post for details) that lead me to serve two years in a Federal Prison and added to the sentence was a restitution fine of $2.7 million dollars.
On September 2019, I was finally released from Federal Probation. Another step into getting my life back. I was quickly contacted by the U.S. government demanding that I pay $500 a month towards my restitution. I told them that $500 a month is a lot and that I don’t think I can handle that sort of payment at this moment. They didn’t budge at all and so I told them that I didn’t want any trouble and I would make that effort.
I made my payment to them in September and October. November was a slower month for myself and my business but I still sent them $400. December I had shoulder surgery and had only worked for a week and a half that month so I was unable to send them money. January I was still recovering from surgery and was not able to return to work but I still sent them some money. On February 6th, I sent them $150 to show them I was still trying. And that was the day that landed me into my current situation.
Later that day, February 6th, I went to go get gas after work and my ATM card was declined. I knew there was money in the account so this had me very nervous. I went to my online bank app to see what was going on, and when I discovered what had happened, my heart stopped and my stomach dropped! I was negative $75 for a garnishment fee then above that, I saw a large deduction form my account from The U.S. Government. They had took every dime from my account. And they didn’t stop at that one, they took my CD accounts, and Savings account. I was left with nothing.
I quickly felt a huge rush of anxiety come over me. Questions started to fill my brain. How am I going to pay my mortgage? How am I going to cover payroll? How am I going to get through this? I began to cry and I quickly became lost and scared. How could they do this to me? How am I to get ahead in my life if they don’t give me a chance? These were my thoughts. I had lost hope and wanted to give up.
I soon realized that my thoughts were getting the best of me. I had to remind myself that I have been here before and I can get myself out of this. I quickly came up with a plan that would help me get out of the situation. It wasn’t going to be easy but I realized that I didn’t come this far to give up.
Every morning I got up early. I began to meditate to calm my mind. This is something new to me so I found a great meditation app (Calm) and began to learn the art of meditation. I also wrote down the things I needed to get done for the day. I then made sure I exercised for at least 30 minutes. I did these things to keep me healthy enough to go to battle to overcome this obstacle that life out in front of me. These things that I implement into my mornings were key. They were powerful forces of energy that allowed me to remain positive and to continue my positive self talk.
I opened up more hours for my practice. I worked from 8 am til 9pm and then I humbly made a decision to drive for Uber on the weekends. That’s right! I am never too good to take a second job in order for me to stay ahead. It’s that humility that I had that allowed me to see that I am not better than anyone. I am human. I am in a position where I need to make money and if I need to take on a second job then so be it. And to top it off, I hated driving for Uber. Dealing with drunk people on weeknights was a very difficult task, but I did not let that stop me. I was determined to get myself out of this jam. I kept telling myself the very same things I preach to others. “This is not permanent, this isn’t the end of your story.”
By remaining positive every day and busting my ass, I was able to get through this difficult time. One month has gone by and that small birthday candle in the dark room is starting to burn brighter. I am not out of this yet, but I know what I am capable of and I know I will get through this. I am taking the lessons that were presented to me and moving forward with my new knowledge and experience. Life can change drastically at any time without warning. There is not one person on this planet that is immune to such sudden changes. It is important to understand this and to be prepared mentally for such changes. I enjoy my early mornings now and I have discovered meditation because of this situation. I am learning to really understand my life’s purpose now. I am learning to understand the value of life and it’s simplicity. These are things I had known before but I believe I needed this reminder and so I am thankful for the situation and the lesson it taught me. I am at a greater peace within myself than I have ever been before.
As I was working so hard to maintain everything that I earned, I was becoming so exhausted. I began to see how someone can easily get sucked into the rat race. I can see how easily it became to want to have the nice things and the nice house and everything else that shows a measure of success. But the more I worked and trying to hold on to these items, the more I realized it wasn’t worth it. And suddenly my eyes became opened.
When I had all of my money taken away from me, I was able through the process to understand that the money is not what my life is about. As shown to me, it can easily be taken from me but my heart must still beat. My lungs still need air. My heart, still needs my family. And these are the things that I still have with me after money. These are the truest forms of life’s treasures. Money can be replaced in time but my health, and my family can not. I spent so much time trying to chase the dollar, trying to project an image of success, that I was quickly reassured that my success wasn’t my house, or my car, or my motorcycle, but my success was much simpler. My success is inner peace. Peace from within is very powerful. When I understand that life isn’t about having the biggest house or the nicest car or tons of money, I see the exhaustion that comes from chasing those items. And to me, that no longer sounds appealing. Simplicity, takes less effort and has the bigger rewards. To me that is what living life is about. And so this was the lesson I believe to take away from this experience.
Currently, I am working with the government for a solution to this matter and hoping to get a more manageable monthly payment. I am meditating daily in the mornings and have a great morning routine. I have a lot of positive self talk with myself through out the day. I am also in the understanding that we do need money to live and use it for our basic needs. But now I understand that anything else isn’t worth it to me. I’d rather use my extra time and money on living life, spending it with my family and not being so exhausted keeping up with Joneses, but being perfectly content being a Goings.
If you are in need of some help or guidance and need me in your corner to help you through your situations, please do not hesitate to reach out to me. I’d be happy to help.
Thank you for reading.
Troy Goings Coaching 